A little more like me

Okay that did it.  I just saw Celine Dion on the red carpet.  Damn bitch looks the same as she always has.  What the hell?  She just had twins too, or so I am told?

Sigh.

Yes, I’m tough on myself, but boy, did these two little goobers (and the three prior miscarriages) take a toll on my previously toned body. I’ve been focused on breastfeeding, and trying to enjoy my girls. I’ve taken time to fit in housecleaning and laundry.  I’ve even fit in salsa babies and some snowshoeing.  But if I am honest?  I’ve been avoiding looking at myself or doing anything about myself.

I feel like crap.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy as a clam.  The joy these two bring to my life is immeasurable, but I’ve been at the precipice of body reality awakening before. I know this feeling. I know what a huge battle I have ahead of me to tackle getting back to a level of fitness and diet/lifestyle that makes me happy. It’s a LOT of work. And I feel defeated at the thought of trying to fit this into the new life I am now leading, you know?  Add to this that I think I may have issues with my stomach muscles (see my post under #4 about these issues), and I’m scared that if I don’t act now, I won’t ever get rid of this weird belly shape I am currently rocking.

I’ve done it before. I’ve been trained by the best. I’ve been a poster child for Greco Lean & Fit losing 29 pounds and 7.5% body fat in 10 weeks. I’ve worked under former Greco trainer Maryse, who is exceptional and now runs her own business (and, I might add, produces her own great videos and tips).

But it meant strict diet. It meant a heavy level of commitment. And it meant time, that I frankly don’t have these days!  That said?  We head to the sunshine of the desert shortly for 2.5 weeks. I will have the opportunity to swim, hike the mountains, go for jogs if I decide to try, and just generally, I will be able to get active again.  Will that be enough?  Well, for the time I am there, yes, but when I am back here?  Nope.  I will have to do those ab exercises (blech) and I will have to turn down the chips, the chocolate, the fast food meals and then figure out how to work all the activity in between time with my baby girls.  Not easy.

But necessary.

Oh…so necessary.

I won’t look like Celine, but then…I really don’t want to.  I just want to look like me again.  Ya know?

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9 thoughts on “A little more like me

  1. I know what you mean. My daughter is 19 months old and I'm bigger than I was after giving birth. I try not to think about it because I always beat myself up. Just know that you are not alone!

  2. I am so on that train of knowing what's ahead of me, and trying to figure out how to fit it in to my already full schedule.

    With my first I did these outdoor classes starting in May, it was program run by a company called MomMeFit – I LOVED them – they understand that when you do jumping jacks you actually pee and important stuff like that! There are fun programs out there that you can bring the babes to but also get a kick-ass work out in too… and the best part is you make other baby-mama friends too, and your babies makes friends as well! Win-win!

  3. Pam, look into joining strollercise. I don't know where in Ottawa you live but the Boomerang Kids locations all do them as does Chiquita Baby in Kanata. That way – you can have your girls with you while you exercise. And you have the added bonus of hanging out with other moms.

    Take it easy on yourself though…your body is still healing. Slow and steady. 🙂

  4. Thanks everyone. Julie – I'll check out your post – yes, we DO seem to be on the same wavelength a lot. Maryse, I missed your time slot – the babes had their 4 month shots today (boo!), but I still want to talk to you – can you DM me on Twitter a time and your number to call? I totally want to discuss this with you.

    Yes, I know Celine has an entourage and ooodles of money to make it happen. She was just a catalyst for feelings that were hanging out near the surface. Like how I felt watching the latest What Not to Wear, where a mommy blogger, who looked and felt a lot like me these days, realized she felt like utter crap, but was happy otherwise. It's fine. I'll get there. Winter's hold over all three of us will be removed and I will get moving. That, and the arrival of warmer climes will lessen my inclination to carb-load!!! Thanks everyone. More to come on this particular journey. May do this really publicly so that this community can hold me to my goals and help motivate me along the way!

  5. Pam, you looked fabulous and radiant when I saw you. Looking perfect so soon after giving birth cannot have been achieved in the most healthy manner… Take time for you and your family and you'll get in a groove. 🙂

  6. I'm pretty sure that Celine Dion has an entourage of nannies and personal trainers. In the real world, things are a whole lot more challenging. When my son was an infant, I felt the same way you do right now. One day I told my husband that every day when he got home I was going to the gym. I would hand him the baby, fly out the door, do my workout, and get home in a little over an hour. Sometimes I was tired and didn't want to go, but I always felt great afterwards.

    If there is a will, there is a way.

  7. Pam… it takes time, I agree… I takes effort, I agree.. it takes commitment, I agree… but more so than anything else, it takes a community of support that will allow you that precious time to take care of yourself. When my boys were small (not twins I may add).. I found it difficult timewise.. with twins I can well imagine that the situation is more difficult 100 fold!!!

    Tell you what… You're leaving on vacay soon, you'll be doing things for yourself, it's a great start. Call me on Wednesday afternoon (i am free from 2-3)… we'll make an appointment for when you come back. WE'll mastermind a plan that will work for you.. Get you back on track with nutrition, keeping in mind the breastfeeding needs, and start you up on a full body ab program that you can do at home for a while… the rest of the stuff, you'll need to build a community of people who will help you take some time off during the day. You have a strong mindset, I've seen you do it before and you know, you have every reason now to do it for youself again… I'm with you.. let's get at it!!!

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