So for those who missed the updates on Twitter and Facebook, our ultrasound on Thursday was a big relief. Both babies have grown really well in two weeks, and Baby B grew a full pound in that period. They estimate her still at a small 4 lbs 9 oz, and Baby A is over a full pound heavier at 5 lbs 12 oz. So there’s a reason I feel so heavy and have trouble even standing at this point!
The ultrasound also revealed what I already know…the babies are positioned really low at this point, so the pressure on my cervix (not including the blows it is constantly taking from Baby A’s feet!) is substantial, and I can only imagine we are getting closer – any day now, really.
That said…I am trying to decide if my insistance on a late scheduled delivery date (November 3, at almost 39 weeks) is truly based on my ongoing desire for natural process to be allowed to take precedence, or stall tactics. I realized on Wednesday night, as I faced a very real prospect of delivering the next day, that I am truly terrified. Emotionally fragile doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about delivery. Right now, both girls are safe, happy, and healthy inside my womb. A normal Mommy-to-be at this stage is desperate to meet them and get them out of her belly because of the discomfort, but we are facing a different reality. Baby B will struggle to survive outside of her protective environment. We’re scared. I’d love to just hold on forever, because I know it’s going to be a hard journey in a few days when they decide they are ready.
Do I feel like the outcome will be a good one? I still believe that. But I also have to be realistic. I have to face the fact that the twins will be separated and there won’t be all these cute shots of the two of them together, snuggling in their crib. I have to accept that there are a myriad of unknowns we are facing and that we control NONE of it. And we have to brace ourselves for how hard it will be to not hold our little girl, or take her home with us when we leave the hospital. Can I just go back in time?
So yeah. I want the latest delivery date possible. I want and still hold out hope that Baby A will turn so that we can have a natural delivery. I look forward to meeting both of our little miracles. But I admit to wanting to hold off as long as possible…
But don’t get me wrong. We hold a whole lot of happiness for our situation – we have been blessed to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and be honoured with two, and not just one, beautiful babies. And I AM anxious to meet them, get to know their little personalities, and marvel at their resilience. We feel almost certain everything will work out positively.
Oh, and for those who wonder what 37 weeks with twins looks like, we snapped a shot yesterday. Because of my big frame, I’m still smaller than most people would imagine, however it’s a pretty darn big belly!!!!