It’s about control, isn’t it, with us? We’re raised believing that if we set goals, work hard, come up with a game plan, that we will be successful. We strive, oh how we strive! And guess what? In my life, that has consistently worked out and I have achieved virtually EVERYTHING I have ever wanted to achieve – and yes, I refer to my personal life experiences as well as my professional.
Men and women alike in today’s generation feel this way, and believe that life, lived as an action plan, is a great approach to take. I specifically remember a special Grade 9 English and Home Room teacher (A little shout out to Mr. Leo Abbass who is now the Mayor of Happy Valley/Goose Bay, Labrador…) who said to me “Pam, you will be someone who will achieve anything and everything you set your mind to.”
We are even led to believe that women’s biological nuances can be controlled – our cycles through birth control, our situations through abortion, fertility treatments, etc. There are even drugs that take away our damn monthly visitor! We are IN CONTROL, right? Previous generations never thought this, but our generation certainly did and does.
What I learned today?
It’s a load of hooey.
Well, okay, let me back up a bit. What I learned was that life’s biggest moments are truly seredipitous, and that to try to control what cannot be controlled will result in confusion, frustration, and, in my case, just a little bit of rage. Specifically, to have suffered three miscarriages in a year has exposed me to a level of experience that is often takes others much longer to achieve. And what this experience means is that I am sensitive to how unfair life can be. In my despair, I became sensitized to other suffering that also was unfair, and saw this through new eyes. There is a reason that many of the aged seem accepting, calm, and take life as it comes. They are in on the secret.
And what is that secret? What has this new experience level ultimately meant to me? I can never see the world in the same way I used to – with unbridled optimism and a full belief that you reap what you sew and that good things will always come to good people etc. etc. etc.
This MAY sound depressing, and believe me…it has been. But thanks to a therapy session today, what it has made me realize is that SOME things in life just will not, cannot, refuse to be, controlled. Action plans won’t work.
So what can you do? Well, you can focus instead on what you CAN control – such as your time spent socializing/doing something you enjoy; such as finding jobs and opportunities in which you will thrive; such as moving more, eating better and generally having FUN.
And what will happen while you are out there ‘controlling’ your fun and living your ‘action plan’?
Life will happen.
More specifically, I believe a NEW life will happen.
And I am going to take that to the bank.