After 2pm today, I was finally free to think of this latest news as being on its way to over. And then…I planted. And weeded. And moved perennials. And felt better knowing that I was surrounded by life and sunshine and getting my hands dirty in order to feel cleansed. It truly succeeded in soothing me; it was remarkable.
I don’t begin to know why this happened to us. Again. I also don’t really know what to say, feel, think, do with myself. I certqainly can’t even contemplate going back to my usual life again. It’s a daunting prospect, and I think I am going to need some time in relative solitude to cope. My husband, who is hurting and so very frustrated at being powerless to help or do anything, is all I want, and even when he hugs me, I feel like I just can’t get close enough. I wish I could just meld into his skin and just not be me for a little while, you know?
And now that the sun is setting and I can’t distract myself anymore with gardening, I am SO FRIGGIN’ THANKFUL that there is something to watch on tv to help me stay distracted – So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD) – and so here I go, watching beauty in motion and emotion. Should be good…
And tomorrow will be another day.