5 am, alone and numb

Today I get to put two tablets in a less than cool place in order to induce a miscarriage that for all intents and purposes should have happened almost 5 weeks ago. Let me tell you, it doesn’t feel good to know that your hopes and dreams are no longer alive but still in your body. That’s about as polite and as blunt as I can be.

The sun is coming up, the birds are chirping, and I wish I could sleep because right now, that is my only hope for relief from the accidental purgatory I am in.

Not sure what I did to deserve this, but I sure wish I was not living this day right now…

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2 thoughts on “5 am, alone and numb

  1. And, please please please — don’t think of it in terms of anything you did or didn’t do. It’s not about that, and in your heart of hearts, you know that. It’s random, it’s awful, but it’s not about you. Totally not, okay? I know, I’ve been there, exactly where you are. There is NOTHING you could have done to change this, okay?

  2. Oh sweetie — I’m so so so sorry. I am just so unutterably sorry…

    Numb is okay, angry is okay, furious and broken and falling apart is okay. I wish there was something, anything I could do to make you feel the least bit less awful.

    Thinking of you with terrible sadness.

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